Resolving conflict and disagreement – the Philemon case study

A runaway slave escapes from his Master Philemon in Colossae and comes to Rome. Later on he is baptised by Paul in Rome. Must he return to Philemon in Colossae and be reconciled?

In the accompanying article “Resolving conflict and disagreement”, we looked at a number of ways to resolve conflict and disagreement using the Bible as a guide. In this article we are going to look at one particular incident involving Philemon, as it teaches us a valuable lesson about how to handle conflicts or disagreements between two brothers.

This article will take the form of a case study where we will be considering the book of Philemon. It would be worth reading that short book before reading this article. It shouldn’t take long for you to read it as it only has one chapter with 25 verses.

The background behind slavery

Slaves have always been a part of the society in which men live. Slavery still exists now like it existed in the first century. Roman law in the first century had laws in relation to slaves.

Slaves had two status….slaves were persons, but in addition they were, seen as being property. So they were seen as being people but also as being property. In other words, they were owned by other people.

Paul mentions slaves in his writings, but he just about always refers to those who worked in their master’s home. Some slaves were happy but others were not. As a result, slaves sometimes took the opportunity to escape if they were sent on an errand by their master. But if the slave was recaptured he would be punished severely.

The main reason behind this severe punishment was that the lost time of an escaped slave was lost money to the slave owner. But more importantly, slaves were not cheap, and they cost a lot of money to replace. So slave owners were not happy when their slaves disappeared. But the situation would be even worse if not only did that slave escape but he stole some of his master’s property at the same time.

The man Philemon

We’ll come back to slaves in a couple of minutes but first I want to consider a man who lived in the first century. In the first century there was a city called Colossae which was in the area now occupied by modern day Turkey. The man we are going to consider lived in this city called Colossae and was a wealthy disciple of high standing in the local ecclesia. Those around him found him to be warm and of a loving nature. He was an ideal type of brother for any ecclesia and one that others could easily look up to. His name was Philemon.

Even Paul had heard of the love and faith of this brother, as he commented on those characteristics in a letter addressed to Philemon written around the year 64. We are fortunate to have a copy of this letter in our Bibles and hopefully you have by now read that letter. In verses four and five we can see what Paul thought of him.

I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints,

He indeed seemed to have the virtues which a brother should have. Why did Paul write this letter to Philemon besides expressing his love towards him? Well it seems that Philemon was a slave-owner and among those slaves who worked on his property was one called Onesimus.

The escape of Onesimus the slave

This slave named Onesimus one day ran away from the property but as he ran away he stole some of Philemon’s valuables. Onesimus travelled to Rome. He went to that city because his brother Tychicus was there. Even though the Bible doesn’t specifically say they were brothers, it is implied elsewhere in the Bible. It seems that Tychicus introduced his brother to the apostle Paul. Paul taught Onesimus about the Christ and the Bible and eventually this runaway slave was baptised and became his spiritual brother and a spiritual son of God. In other words, he entered the family of God. He became a brother in the “Truth” (the Truth meaning all things related to God and his son Jesus because it is all true).

Once Onesimus was baptised he gave himself over to assisting Paul in all matters concerned with the “Truth” and he became a good brother. However, after a short while Paul learnt that Onesimus had run away from Philemon and also stolen goods from him. Paul, knew Philemon personally, he instructed Onesimus to go back and submit himself to his master and ask for forgiveness, because of what Onesimus had done to Philemon.

Paul did this for two reasons. Firstly, he knew that Roman law stated that people were not allowed to harbor escaped slaves and if they did harbor them there were serious penalties. Secondly, Paul did it to try to reconcile the two brothers in the Truth. Paul knew that by Roman law Philemon could punish Onesimus severely, but he also knew that because Philemon was a brother in Christ, that Onesimus should have little to fear.

The meeting of Philemon and Onesimus

So Onesimus returned to Philemon with a letter written by Paul. We read this letter a few moments ago as it is recorded in the Book of Philemon.

It would have been interesting to have known what Onesimus was thinking as he travelled towards where Philemon lived. He would have felt some reassurance from what Paul had said.  But he would also have been thinking that Philemon is a man who he not only run away from when he was a slave but who he had also stolen from.

At the same time, it would be interesting to know what Philemon was thinking. When Philemon met Onesimus he may have initially felt his anger well up inside him. Here was a man walking towards him who had cost him a lot of money in stolen goods. Also Philemon probably wasted a lot of time and money finding a replacement slave.

This runaway slave now stood before him. But there was something special about this meeting. Onesimus held in his hand a letter from Philemon’s good friend Paul. Paul would have been like a spiritual father to Philemon. In this letter which we have a copy of in our Bible, we see Paul pleading the cause of the runaway slave. Paul urged Philemon to be reconciled to his slave and to receive him as a brother and fellow member of God’s family.

The meaning of reconciliation

Reconciliation means reestablishing relationships. And the best example of this is Christ reconciling the believer to God. He also helps believers reconcile to others. Many barriers come between people whether it be race, being male or female, social status, or personality differences. But Christ can break down all of these barriers.  And here is a great example. Jesus Christ changed Onesimus relationship to Philemon from a slave to a brother in the family of God. What a wonderful change or transformation. The same transformation can happen to us. Christ can likewise transform our most hopeless relationships into deep and loving friendships.

Using tact to reconcile

So this is what Paul is attempting to do in this letter – he is attempting to reconcile two brothers. As we consider him doing this we have an invaluable example of “tact”. To have “tact” means you have the skill and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues. Tact is the ability to avoid upsetting or offending people by being careful not to say or do things that would hurt their feelings.

We have an amazing example of tact recorded in this letter from Paul to Philemon!!

In his letter to Philemon, Paul makes a gentle plea for forgiveness of any alleged wrongs which this slave did to him. He then requested that if Philemon found it in his heart to forgive, then he should bring Onesimus back into his household. This way Onesimus could enjoy future affection from Philemon.  

Paul was so careful in this plea that he left Philemon plenty of scope to display the amount of generosity towards Onesimus that he felt he wanted to show. Paul didn’t pressure Philemon to do anything that he didn’t want to do.  In other words, Paul didn’t want to force Philemon to take back this slave. He left it up to this brother in Christ to show his love voluntarily.

Look at how Paul tactfully expresses himself. In verses ten to eighteen we read his amazing thoughtful words.

I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother—especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account.

Paul showed outstanding skill in advocating the cause of Onesimus: He combined courtesy, dignity, generosity, prudence, affection and friendship.

So we learn from this letter that as believers we must show tact in all things. When we talk to other believers we should develop the ability to avoid upsetting or offending people by being careful not to say or do things that would hurt their feelings. We need to show tact.

Paul used his tact to bring out the love of Philemon and in so doing, this brought out the devotion of Onesimus. He knew the character of the brethren concerned, and tactfully and with confidence, brought out their finest qualities. Paul encouraged Onesimus to seek forgiveness and he encouraged Philemon to give it willingly. And if both did this, they would become reconciled in Christ. That is the thing which we all strive to do.

Galatians 3: 28 has these words:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

So the best way to reconcile ourselves one to another is to remember that we are all equal in God’s eyes. One is not greater than the other. We are all equal. Paul used great tact in delivering this message to Philemon – something we must also do when we interact with other believers. Sometimes there may be a disagreement between us. This is when we use tact to gently reconcile ourselves and overcome those differences.

Facing up to our obligations

As well as learning from this letter how to use tact in our relationship with other believers, we also learn another lesson. Onesimus learnt this second lesson. He learnt that he must face up to the obligations of life as a baptised believer. He had become a baptised brother in Christ whilst in Rome and it was up to him to go and seek forgiveness from Philemon for past wrongs.

The same goes for those of us who have been baptised. We cannot assume that everything is okay because we are a baptised believer. We must constantly ask for forgiveness for our sins, strive to overcome any temptations we face and generally try to grow in Christ. These are the obligations we face and we cannot assume that they will somehow correct themselves because we are a baptised believer.

Christ faced up to all the obligations he had to meet. He knew he had to die so that others might receive eternal life. He had an obligation to fulfil and he did not try to avoid carrying out the obligation.

Onesimus had an obligation to go and see Philemon to seek forgiveness for his past deeds so he went and did it because he was a baptised brother of Christ.

And We have an obligation to seek forgiveness of our sins and to attempt to overcome any future temptations.

Let us think of the lessons we have learnt in this article which are revealed through Paul, Philemon and Onesimus.

Through Paul it was revealed that we must show tact in all things we do. There are times in life where we may come into a situation of conflict or disagreement. Let’s try to resolve the issue by being gentle and using tact in our words.

Onesimus learned that he must face up to the obligations of life. Being a baptised brother or sister in Christ does not mean we can ignore obligations we have in life. We must constantly ask for forgiveness for our sins, strive to overcome any temptations we face and generally try to grow in Christ.

And ofcourse the central lesson of this letter is reconciliation. We have to reconcile ourselves to our fellow believers always ensuring there is nothing but love coming between us. We must also be continually reconciled to the Lord God by asking for forgiveness of our sins. It is only in this way that we will be reconciled to God.